Dear Dogs and
Cats,
When I say to move,
it means go someplace else, not switch
positions with each other so there
are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the
paw prints are yours and contain your
food. The other dishes are mine and
contain my food. Please note, placing
a paw print in the middle of my plate
of food does not stake a claim for
it becoming your food and dish, nor
do I find that aesthetically pleasing
in the slightest.
The stairway
was not designed by NASCAR and is
not a racetrack. Beating me to the
bottom is not the object. Tripping
me doesn't help because I fall faster
than you can run.
I cannot
buy anything bigger than a king size
bed. I am very sorry about this. Do
not think I will continue to sleep
on the couch to ensure your comfort.
Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping.
They can actually curl up in a ball.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular
to each other stretched out to the
fullest extent possible. I also know
that sticking tails straight out and
having tongues hanging out the other
end to maximize space used is nothing
but sarcasm.
My compact
discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the
last time, there is not a secret exit
from the bathroom. If by some miracle
I beat you there and manage to get
the door shut, it is not necessary
to claw, whine, meow, try to turn
the knob, or get your paw under the
edge and try to pull the door open.
I must exit through the same door
I entered. In addition, I have been
using the bathroom for years - canine
or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper
order is kiss me, then go smell the
other dogs or cat's butt. I cannot
stress this enough. It would be such
a simple change for you.
To pacify
you, I have posted the following message
on our front door..... Rules for Non-pet
owners who visit and like to complain
about our pets: |
